And then there were 4!

I have really missed blogging about my littles!! It is so fun to look back at the things I have accomplished with my children. It is also enjoyable to look back and laugh and say to myself, "I really worried about that?" I honestly cannot believe that I am now a mommy of 4 children! I now call my life a living circus! Never a dull moment in the Hoye house! We have had some difficulties with Miss Elin. We went for her 2 month well visit appointment and I was so excited to see how much she had grown. The medical assistant said to undress her to a dry diaper and put her on the scale. Doug and I always have fun guessing what the weight will be and seeing who is closest. Before the 2 month appointment, I had to bring Elin into the doctor two weeks prior (she has acid reflux) we needed a medicine change because zantac wasn't doing the trick. She weighed in at a hefty 10 pounds 4 ounces. So, my guess at this appointment was 10 pounds 11 ounces. Well, we placed her on the scale and I couldn't believe what I was hearing! 10 pounds 2 ounces came out of the medical assistant's mouth. She left the room and I immediately started to panic. I looked at Doug and he said it would be o.k. The doctor came into the room next and we discussed our options. I had already tried boosting my milk supply with lactation cookies, drinking a ton of water, taking fenugreek supplements, drinking mother's milk tea and a new product on the market, milky and pumping. It was apparent that none of that worked, as my little lady didn't gain weight, she lost weight. I didn't want to hear the words that I heard. It was time to start supplementing with formula. I will admit, I broke down into one of those completely ugly cries and stated to the doctor that I felt like a complete failure. She tried to reassure me that I had done my best and babies thrive on formula. After we left the office, I continued with my ugly cry fest and just couldn't understand why I couldn't make enough milk for my baby. This is my last child and I want to soak in every little thing with her. I loved our breastfeeding bonding moments. It is something that just her and I share. We got home and we gave her a bottle and she perked up and started smiling and cooing. Something she had not done in a while. She was finally feeling satisfied. I thought her acid reflux and gas was why she was crying a lot. Come to find out, she was starving. I belong to a terrific mommy group on facebook and I posted my feelings on the page and got terrific support. One mom in particular sent me a picture of her baby's mouth and asked if Elin's looked like it. Baby had a tongue tie and a lip tie. I quickly told the woman, no.. not at all, the pediatrician said she was fine. Well, after emailing her back, I decided to take a closer look at Elin's mouth. She didn't have a tongue tie, but she did have a definite lip tie and it appeared to be a "tight" lip tie. I was so relieved and yet mad at the same time. I had an appointment the next day at the pediatrician's office for a weight check for Elin. Fast forward to the next day and we are in the office and the doctor looks and she says, this definitely could be the cause and your right, she does have a lip tie and I want to send you to an ENT. All this time this all could have been prevented. Now, mind you.. I have been giving Elin formula bottles because my milk supply was next to nothing and even when I pumped I was getting droplets. We went to the ENT yesterday and he confirmed her lip tie and said it was indeed a tight tie and it would be best to clip it. Thankfully, Doug was working in the same building as the ENT's office and he was able to come up and hold her while I sat in the waiting room. She handled it like a champ. I have offered her the breast a little more and she is still frustrated and doesn't want it. So, we are still with the bottle. I am mad and sad because this all could have been prevented had this been found from the beginning. I am still going to try my hardest to at least breastfeed in the mornings and at night. Being a mom and holding on to mommy guilt is difficult. I only want the best for all of my children. I know that in the end as long as Elin is being fed and gaining weight and is growing up happy, I am doing my job.